Its crazy, the human nature. The idea of fulfilling our self desires, our self- seeking attention, and our selfish ambitions are so deeply embedded in ourselves. The consumer mindset of what can I do for myself, what can I get for myself so that I can be happy?
Tonight, as I was getting ready to shower my heart felt really heavy. Something was bothering me. Something that felt very much like the feeling of when I was depressed, only, it wasn't depression. It was more of a feeling of loneliness. And it was a really unusual feeling of loneliness because it wasn't the usual feeling of loneliness, one of which I feel when I think no one loves me.
It was the exact opposite. As I was trying to figure out the roots of what was making me feel this strange feeling of loneliness, I was thinking. And I realized it couldn't be that I wasn't feeling loved by the people around me or that i wasn't getting enough attention from the people around me. In fact, I was getting quite a lot of attention. I was getting a lot of attention via the various social medias whether it was the many likes and comments on my instagram and facebook or whether I was getting invited to hang around with my friends, or through the several texts that I was receiving. But this feeling of loneliness was so strong and it finally clicked and I realized what it was.
The feeling of having attention on me, feeling appreciated, and letting people know that I was a transformed person through God was great. I felt awesome. But this feeling of satisfaction was very short, very temporary. This feeling of satisfaction didn't even last a day, I would even say it was only a couple of hours until it disappeared.
You see, the moment I started giving myself credit. The moment I shifted my eyes from bringing my full glory and honor to God, is when I started to let the feeling of loneliness start to take place inside of me. The moment I started to give myself credit for the things such as the many people that I encouraged, or the many people that felt loved, or the people that felt accepted is when I started to place myself on a pedestal next to God.
Then as I began to find pleasure in these things such as the notifications I got from people through social media, I started to let those things get in the way of my sight of God and I let those things form a cloud that soon enough pushed God off of the pedestal. I was blinded by this cloud of self seeking desires and self ambitions and it was only when the temporary feeling of satisfaction from these things left, that I found myself placed on the pedestal where God was supposed to be, feeling lonely and deserted more than ever.
Its crazy really. The way the human mind works. Its so shift our mindsets without even being aware. You see, I started with the intentions of bringing glory and honor to God by me sharing my blog because I was able to share the journey that the Lord was taking me on. But it so easily and so rapidly began to do the polar opposite of what we as creations are made to do. We are made to bring glory and honor to God but I feel like by sharing my blog and my faith life, I was bringing glory and attention to myself.
We are called to share our faith with one another and its encouraged to do so because that can bring life and encouragement onto people's lives and thats awesome because God gave us the ability to do so. However, this can so easily become a sin when we begin to give glory to ourselves.
Because really, we are nothing but a speck in this huge universe. The bible says in James 4: 14 "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears a while and then vanishes. " We are literally a mist that doesn't even know what tomorrow will be like and we are really just helpless beings but we are able to live and breathe and have hope, find life, in the Lord who transforms us into greater things.
It is through Jesus that we can live and have an anchored hope that never fails that takes us from being a helpless being, a mist that does not know its time, a mere speck in this vast universe and transforms us into sons and daughters of the most high, heirs of the Everlasting God. Each having a purpose, a will, and a destiny in Christ our Lord.
So do not, even for a second, think that you know all there is to ever know about God. Because the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith. Not faith to knowledge.
Meaning, we shouldn't think our faith is at its "peak" or that we have God all figured out, because there is no way our minds will ever fully fathom the goodness and grace of God. It is only through faith to faith that our understanding of God will increase.
Thats the beauty of understanding and being in a relationship with our God. There will never be a point where we are fully satisfied with what we know because the more and more we get to know him, the more we fall in love with him and the more he fills us up so that we continue to search for more of him. And the crazy thing is, as we are searching for him and seeking him, we never get tired! Because each time you find more of him and discover more of him, you are filled with everlasting peace and joy that only HE can provide !!! Praise the Lord for his greatness and his never ending joy and love that he is pouring onto us and is waiting to give us as long as we are willing to seek it!!
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