"Look at me. Focus on me."

Wow. I am blown away. What made me write this blog entry tonight was the crazy love that I felt the Father has for his children. And i when i say crazy, I dont mean like bazaar  or like freaky crazy. What i mean when i say the crazy love that he has for his children, Im referring to the infinite, boundless, eternal, 100 percent kind of love that he has for us. The love that is so much that its crazy. 

Tonight was a really crazy night. Well, actually this entire day was just a really tiresome day because I had been working on a project since the time i woke up to the time i had my afternoon class. Then after my afternoon class ended, I went out to see the annual Halloween parade that the city does. So by the end of the day, I was drained both psychologically and physically. 

The Halloween Parade was really enjoyable and fun but what really bothered me was the amount of negativity in the crowd. Many people were complaining about the crowdedness and the traffic the parade was causing. And it really made me think again about the consumer mind set that we as humans have. Because every person in the crowd would complain, if their needs were not met. Wether they could see the parade from where they were standing, whether they could get across the street without having to wait, wether they felt tired, wether they were happy or not. Like everything was very draining and I found myself being  very self fish for what i needed, which ultimately led to complaining... 

By the time i got back to the dorms, i was ready to take a shower and go straight to sleep. However, as i was checking my phone, I realized that the touch screen on my phone was not working. 

I started to freak out. Several questions started clouding my mind. Will my alarm still go off tomorrow? What if it doesnt? What if im late to my class tomorrow morning? What if i need to contact my friends? What if i get into an emergency and i need to use the phone? 

And as i was asking myself all these questions and doubts, an endless list of questions for my future also started to add onto the list. 

In hopes of relieving my anxieties of my problem with my phone, I made an appointment with apple for the next day that i was free to go and fix my phone. 

However, even after booking my appointment and knowing that i was "safe", really didnt give me a 100% feeling of assurance...

So I turned to the word...

Tonight i read Hebrews 11,12& 13. As i was reading it I was reminded of how great God is.
Hebrews 11 mentions all the people in the bible who were successful in everything they did because they had faith. It mentions Abel, Enoch, Noah, as well as several other people. The list of examples of people who were faithful really goes for a long time, which shows the power of God and the outcome of being faithful to his word and what believing in him 100 percent can really do. 

Verse 5 in chapter 13 " Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

Verse 6 "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" 

Verse 8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

and Verse 20-21 "Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus. that great Shepherd of the sheep,(21) equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him; through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever Amen."

These verses really shook me up and woke me up. Its crazy how quick we are to forget ,even after seeing how much and knowing how the Lord has worked in our lives, how great the Lord is.

Its crazy how quickly we can become blind to the abilities of God.

You see in verse 5, the Lord said he would NEVER leave us nor forsake us. Meaning he will never leave us alone. He is ALWAYS there on our side. He's like literally calling out to us saying "LOOK AT ME! LOOK HERE, because I  can give you rest!"

And that really struck me because I really was able to feel the immense love that he has for his children. 

I have seen God work in my life in mind blowing ways, however, even after witnessing his works in my life, I was still was blinded by the problems of this world. I let the problems, which really are very petty problems, be magnified and block my view from God, pushing God away and replacing him with my anxieties. 

When in reality, those problems are microscopic. They are all very minuscule things that God could so very easily handle. 

I let those things have a hold of me. And after reading verse 8 in Chapter 13 I was reminded that the Lord was there for me and is there for me and will always be there for me. 

He was shouting "HEY LOOK AT ME ! FOCUS ON ME!! Because I can make everything right. I am able to solve the problems that seem like huge mountains to you because I am God. "

He's saying to focus on him, not because he wants you're worship or because he feels like he's not getting enough love from us. (He's the God of all things, the Creator of this whole entire universe, and we are but specks! ) He's not calling out onto us because he wants to fulfill his own self fish desires, but he's calling out to us to look to him and to give our 100 percent attention to him because he knows that when we look to him we are having faith in him, and through that faith we find hope. Which ultimately delivers us from chains of anxieties, feelings of overwhelmingness, worries, doubts, etc that weigh us down and blinds us!

HE WANTS US TO BE FREED AND TO FIND FREEDOM IN HIM!!

Which means, he's calling out to us because he loves us and he wants us to feel loved and feel 100 percent assured that everything is going to be great because He is on our side. 

And that, my friends, is TRUE LOVE. The only love that we can receive from the Father of all things. The name above all names. The King of king. The big G, not the little g's. The Alpha and the Omega. 

The love that the Father has for his children.

Less of me and more of You, Lord.

Faith to Knowledge  Faith

Its crazy, the human nature. The idea of fulfilling our self desires, our self- seeking attention, and our selfish ambitions are so deeply embedded in ourselves. The consumer mindset of what can I do for myself, what can I get for myself so that I can be happy?

Tonight, as I was getting ready to shower my heart felt really heavy. Something was bothering me. Something that felt very much like the feeling of when I was depressed, only, it wasn't depression. It was more of a feeling of loneliness. And it was a really unusual feeling of loneliness because it wasn't the usual feeling of loneliness, one of which  I feel when I think no one loves me.

 It was the exact opposite. As I was trying to figure out the roots of what was making me feel this strange feeling of loneliness, I was thinking. And I realized it couldn't be that I wasn't feeling loved by the people around me or that i wasn't getting enough attention from the people around me. In fact, I was getting quite a lot of attention. I was getting a lot of attention via the various social medias whether it was the many likes and comments on my instagram and facebook or whether  I was getting invited to hang around with my friends, or through the several texts that I was receiving. But this feeling of loneliness was so strong and it finally clicked and I realized what it was.



The feeling of having attention on me, feeling appreciated, and letting people know that I was a transformed person through God was great. I felt awesome. But this feeling of satisfaction was very short, very temporary. This feeling of satisfaction didn't even last a day, I would even say it was only a couple of hours until it disappeared.

You see, the moment I started giving myself credit. The moment I shifted my eyes from bringing my full glory and honor to God, is when I started to let the feeling of loneliness start to take place inside of me. The moment I started to give myself credit for the things such as the many people that I encouraged, or the many people that felt loved, or the people that felt accepted is when I started to place myself on a pedestal next to God.
Then as I began to find pleasure in these things such as the notifications I got from people through social media, I started to let those things get in the way of my sight of  God and I let those things form a cloud that soon enough pushed God off of the pedestal. I was blinded by this cloud of self seeking desires and self ambitions and it was only when the temporary feeling of satisfaction from these things left, that I found myself placed on the pedestal where God was supposed to be, feeling lonely and deserted more than ever.

Its crazy really. The way the human mind works. Its so shift our mindsets without even being aware. You see,  I started with the intentions of bringing glory and honor to God by me sharing my blog because I was able to share the journey that the Lord was taking me on. But it so easily and so rapidly began to do the polar opposite of what we as creations are made to do. We are made to bring glory and honor to God but I feel like by sharing my blog and my faith life, I was bringing glory and attention to myself.
We are called to share our faith with one another and its encouraged to do so because that can bring life and encouragement onto people's lives and thats awesome because God gave us the ability to do so. However, this can so easily become a sin when we begin to give glory to ourselves.
Because really, we are nothing but a speck in this huge universe. The bible says in James 4: 14 "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears a while and then vanishes. " We are literally a mist that doesn't even know what tomorrow will be like and we are really just helpless beings but we are able to live and breathe and have hope, find life, in the Lord who transforms us into greater things.

 It is through Jesus that we can live and have an anchored hope that never fails that takes us from being a helpless being, a mist that does not know its time, a mere speck in this vast universe and transforms us into sons and daughters of the most high, heirs of the Everlasting God. Each having a purpose, a will, and a destiny in Christ our Lord.


So do not, even for a second,  think that you know all there is to ever know about God. Because the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith. Not faith to knowledge.
Meaning, we shouldn't think our faith is at its "peak" or that  we have God all figured out, because there is no way our minds will ever fully fathom the goodness and grace of God. It is only through faith to faith that our understanding of God will increase.

Thats the beauty of understanding and being in a relationship with our God. There will never be a point where we are fully satisfied with what we know because the more and more we get to know him, the more we fall in love with him and the more he fills us up so that we continue to search for more of him. And the crazy thing is, as we are searching for him and seeking him, we never get tired! Because each time you find more of him and discover more of him, you are filled with everlasting peace and joy that only HE can provide !!! Praise the Lord for his greatness and his never ending joy and love that he is pouring onto us and is waiting to give us as long as we are willing to seek it!!

How beautiful!

I'm currently reading for my Seminar class. What I am reading is a letter that Vincent Van Gogh wrote to his brother Theo. While i was reading this beautiful letter, I stumbled across this awesome paragraph that he wrote.

This quote reads:

"But I cannot help thinking that the best way of knowing God is to love many things. Love this friend, this person, this thing, whatever you like, and you will be on the right road to 

understanding Him better, that is what I keep telling myself. But you must love with a sublime, 

genuine, profound sympathy, with devotion, with intelligence, and you must try all the time to 

understand Him more, better and yet more. That will lead to God, that will lead to an 

unshakeable faith."

Isn't it beautiful? This is really what accepting and knowing this kind of everlasting love that God has for us is all about! The genuineness and relentlessness of His love for us is really what makes us love unto others and its what gives us a heart to serve others and to put others before ourselves. Just like the lifestyle of Jesus Christ when he was on this earth!  And our sole purpose in life is really to mimic and look at the life that Jesus lived and to let his love transform us so that we could ultimately live the self-less and humble lifestyle like our Savior Jesus Christ! 

So good so so good!! I love it!

And this was all from the reading that i was assigned in my seminar class! Isn't that awesome! God can work in so many different kinds of ways that are at many times impossible in the eyes of the world, but he is God! And because he is God, anything is possible! 

So delight in even your school work or your business work because he could use those things to speak into your life :) 

Awesomeee!!! Have a great night everyone & a blessed Sunday !! <3

In the mood for something SWEEEET?!!

Check my awesome friend's flikr!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27833856@N02/

My friend, Nathaniel who i met here at Parsons has grown up loving dolls such as barbies and bratz! He enjoys the intricate detailing of the accessories and clothing that are designed for the barbies! Which is what inspired him to become a fashion designer. He intends of studying fashion while he is here at Parsons.

His flikr page consists of the photos he took of his barbies. Nathaniel was inspired to do these photo shoots from one of his favorite shows, America's Next Top Model. He coordinates all the outfits and accessories and places the barbies into a background with lighting that he sets up with his desk lamp! Isnt that amazing?


We were talking the other night in his room and I had the awesome opportunity to see the small collection of barbie accessories and clothes  he brought with him, which was actually surprisingly a lot for his "small" collection! But it was so cool to see the many different things and i really got to appreciate Barbie and the designers who design these tiny but very detailed things for these dolls. So cool.

I highly recommend checking his flikr out!
I guarantee that  you're sweet tooth will be satisfied ! Give it a try ! :D

A trip to Queens!

Yesterday was the first time I experienced how actual Fall feels like. Skylar, JJ , and I rode the subway to our field trip to the Queens Museum of Art. Subwaying it there was such a fun and exciting experience because I could actually see the difference of Manhattan and Queens. Transferring onto the 7 train heading towards Queens/Flushing after getting off the F train onto Bryant Park at 42 street, I could see the immediate  change in the environment. Starting from the the change of the amount of people walking on the streets to the speed of everything. It seemed like the cars in Queens were traveling at a much slower and leisurely paced speed than the cars and people back in Manhattan. 

There were definitely a lot more trees and nature in Queens. Being able to be in an environment where things seemed a lot more slow and that had so much nature as compared to the busy city of Manhattan was so enjoyable.

I love Manhattan and I am so thankful that I am able to get educated at Parsons  in such an amazing city. Nonetheless it was great to visit the suburban environment much like the environment back home.

The Museum was so nice! I enjoyed it even though the weather was very very cold! 

The Queen Museum of Art is actually located in a park. So the park and the museum is basically connected and its great because it gives the people who live nearby, a place to go to just relax as well as an awesome museum to visit! 

The unisphere!

The museum was currently being expanded so unfortunately we were not able to go inside to look at the wonderful things it had but we were able to see the Panorama of the City of New York and that was seriously so awesome.

The bottom part of the panorama like the little squares are made from urethane foam and the buildings are made from wood, and the bridges are made from metals. It took over 100 model builders and 3 years  to put this magnificent panorama together. The scale of it is 1inch for 100 feet and the only thing that is a little inaccurately scaled would be the bridges. The designers wanted to make the bridges a bit bigger in scale because they wanted to emphasize the importance of these monumental bridges. 

The panorama is constantly being updated because of the new buildings that are being constructed and there is this thing called Adopt-a-building which is where people could donate to help build buildings!

It was really cool to see a miniature version of New York state!  

And here are some beautiful pictures of God's Creation!! So breathtaking and makes me so thankful and happy to know the one who created all the beauties of this earth!!!

Awesome~~~ Have an awesome night!!! God loves you and he delights in your being!! <3<3<3

Living a life for the Lord, a life for kingdom purposes.

Praise the Lord for this love that the Father has for us, like no other. This video is awesome. Such a great reminder. For any of us who are lost in who they are, or question what their worth is. The Lord, The Father of all things, The Creator of heaven and earth and everything in it loves you and finds you to be the perfect and most beautiful creation, no matter what the world might label you as. 

Don't find your worth in the titles and categories that this world classifies you under. But find life and joy in the name that the Creator has called you to be, as daughters and sons of the most high. He has adopted us to be his sons and daughters, THE VERY GOD THAT CREATED ALL THINGS LOVES YOU AND HAS CALLED YOU HIS OWN!! ♥♥♥♥ have a blessed night everyone!!

WE CAN FIND COMFORT IN HIM, OUR CREATOR, JESUS CHRIST !

Lately, I feel like Ive been really anxious and stressed. But this stress is a lot different than the stress that i dealt with in the past. Well, i guess its not completely different because Im still getting stressed from school work but its different because its not like I'm struggling with the hard work. Its more like I'm constantly working on projects and assignments for classes every day that i think doing this has gotten me stressed subconsciously. Its hard I think because living and going to school in such a busy city, it can be overwhelming. Especially because the dorming life here is like right where school is, I feel like Im constantly at school 24/7. So lately I've felt drained and have been looking forward to winterbreak. 

But the other day, my friends were talking about what majors they were intending on doing and one of my friends were really stressing out and almost anxious with the fact that she didnt have a clue what she was going to major in. It was interesting to me because normally I would be in the same place as her. Being super anxious and stressed about the uncertainty and the unknown future that our lives are at. But instead, I felt like i wanted to comfort her and assure her that things were going to be okay. You see, because she's the type that is super OCD and needs to know how everything is going to turn out...
And I dont know but when I saw her freaking out, instead of freaking out with her, I immediately thought of the image of God sitting at his throne, from that one verse in the bible where it says that God sat in his throne peacefully in heaven, looking down onto the earth where there was chaos or troubles. But the thing is God sat PEACEFULLY. Meaning, even though in our eyes all is going wrong and everything is in chaos, God can sit peacefully in his throne because everything is going as he planned. You know a lot of the times we dont know what God's plans are for us. We question and wonder and even get depressed in our hard times but we forget that God is sitting and watching us peacefully because he knows his plans for us and there is nothing to worry about.

And this made me think of how us as human beings think of ourselves so much bigger and better than we actually are. You know, no one can actually know how their future looks like. Even the most OCD, organized, future oriented person willnot know crystal clearly how their lives in 3 years will look, even if they claim to know. We dont even know how our lives TOMORROW will even look!!!! How will we measure how our future in 1 year, 2 years, 3 years , ect will look?

I think thats why its so amazing that we have a creator, a lover, a father who is God. He knows everything and in him we can find rest and peace.

Tonight I read Romans 8, a chapter I love reading over and over again because i feel like each time i do read it its like something new is revealed to me. Tonight i got to catch a slight glimpse of how amazing God is once again. Its just amazing how much God loves us and the love that he pours out to us. Verse 32 " He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also ,along with him,graciously give us all things?"This reallly made me rethink of this kind of love that God graciously pours down on us. Its not like any other kind of love that we can receive you know? This made me understand really why we worship and praise the Creator. He loves us SOOO MUCH with not like any kind of love but HIS love thats so amazing that its hard to even put into words! 

You know, and verse in it in itself made me feel a lot less anxious and stressed. It reminded me that we dont have to waste our energy, our thoughts, our feelings to questions about our future job, our future husband, and any other things that we are uncertain about! God is our provider and he WILL surely provide. If he gives his amazing love so freely, how much more freely will he give things to us?? 

I thank the Lord so much for lettting me just find joy in him and his word. He is the reason why I can rejoice and I can live freely with a joyful heart. :D 

Your Name is higher 

Your Name is greater 

All my hope is in You 

Your word unfailing 

Your promise unshaken 

All my hope is in You

-Anchor by Hillsong 

New York is a ___ place.

So its been exactly 50 days since I first came to NY for school. And wow, id have to say I've learned and grown so much. Its really hard to say how I feel about New York. I feel like it changes like everyday. Especially when its that time of the month. Like today.. Me, Tiff, Lidya, Skylar, and Juno went to Korea town to get dinner. And WOW korea town is SO FRKING busy. i absolutely do not like it. Normally I dont think it would affect me as much but today, it being a really "bleh" kind of day, really had an affect on me.
 Usually on Saturdays i feel a lot more down than I usually feel because Im usually staying in the dorms all day, doing homework.  But today i dont know why, but it was just not a really high spirited day. And i realized after coming back from korea town that it could have to do with the fact that i skipped doing insanity for two days. So with that in mind along with very down-spirited emotions, i got up and worked out. And wah laaa, my emotional mindset was gone! I think when i dont work out and just sit and eat and work, i feel a lot more down and unproductive.
But back to Korea town making me feel uncomfortable. The really crowded, korean people filled korea town really made me think of home and it also made me really homesick. Homesick for the suburbs, not necessarily home home, even though i do really miss home. Its weird how Korea town made me feel more like i was in busy New York than the actual streets of New York made me feel. It could be because of how crowded korea town is because its literally just one street, which is something I'm not used to being in. On the way back to our dorms, I was really worn out and felt really alone even though i was with friends. So when i got back to the dorms I finally  cracked and a couple of tears came out. But because i didnt want to sulk in my feelings of loneliness, I called my one and only sister. She helped me and just the fact that I have someone to talk to and really open my feelings to made me feel a lot better and less alone.
While i was washing up after sweating from my work out, i turned on the christian radio on my itunes and David Crowder Band's song How He loves came on. Listening to the lyrics really warmed my heart.  Especially because I havent listened to the song in forever and having forgotten about it for the longest time, it was really nice hearing it. The song reminded me of how God loves and how he's there for us. And immediately my thoughts of loneliness were gone because the fact that "He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane..." made me re think and it reminded me of the blessing of God's love that God has graciously given to us.
Tomorrow I'm going back to hillsongnyc because its been such a blessing every sunday. Can't wait to be recharged and blessed!!